Sunday, November 30, 2008

DEAR DIARY. . .*

THIS WKND HAS BEEN FULL OF UPS&DOWNS. FROM THANKSGIVING GOING COMPLETELY WRONG, FALL OUTS WITH MY PARENTS, GETTING KICKED OUT AND MOVING BACK IN, TRYING TO TOUCH BASES WITH OLD FACES. . . I SWEAR IVE BEEN THROUGH IT ALL THIS WKND. I HAVEN'T CRIED IN A LONG TIME BECAUSE THERE WAS NOTHING GOING ON THAT WAS WORTH MY TEARS BUT LASTNITE I SAT AT WORK AND JUST THOUGHT UNTIL MY BRAIN HURT. I REMEMBER SITTIN ON THE EDGE OF THE TOILET BOWL AND JUST CRYING AND CRYING UNTIL MY FACE WAS PUFFY & ALL MY MAKE-UP WAS SMEARED.
WHEN I GOT HOME I UNDRESSED MYSELF, LAID IN BED AND TALKED TO GOD FOR A WHILE. IM NOT THE MOST RELIGIOUS PERSON OUT THERE BUT WHEN THINGS GET ROUGH ITS GOOD TO HAVE FAITH IN SOMETHING HIGHER AND MORE POWERFUL THAN YOURSELF. THE LIFE I LIVE IS UNPREDICTABLE AND FULL OF TURNS AND TWISTS. IM ALWAYS RUNNING INTO FORKS IN THE ROAD & THINGS THAT TEND TO BLUR MY SIGHT TEMPORARILY. BUT THEN I HAVE TO SIT BACK AND THINK, THIS IS JUST LIFE AND IM NOT THE ONLY ONE GOING THRU THE STUFF. I FUCK-UP TIME AND TIME AGAIN BUT ALL MY LESSONS COME WITH A BLESSING. ALL MY MISTAKES HELP ME LEARN AND DISCOVER WHO I REALLY AM. I GAIN SOMETHING & I LOSE SOMETHING, EVERYDAY THERES SOMETHING NEW AND AT THE SAME TIME IT'S THE SAME OLE BULLSHIT.

I CRY UNTIL MY HEAD HURTS, I LAUGH UNTIL MY TUMMY HURTS. THERE'S SOME DAYS I PUT ON MAKE-UP AND STILL FEEL LIKE I LOOK LIKE SHIT & IT REALLY IRKS ME. THEN THERES DAYS I WAKE UP IN THE MORNING;
HAIR ALL FUCKED UP, EYES SUPER CHINKY, SKIN VERY PASTY BUT ILL THINK TO MYSELF WOW. . .I REALLY AM BEAUTIFUL. THERES DAYS WHERE I HATE THE WHOLE WORLD & IM ON SOME FUCK EVERYDAY SHIT, THEN THERES TIMES WHEN I'M FULL OF LIVE, LOVE, ENERGY, CHARISMA & NOTHING CAN GET IN THE WAY OF THAT FEELING. IT'S JUST LIFE, SOMETIMES THINGS HAPPEN AND YOU'RE SO HURT YOU FEEL AS IF YOU CANT EVEN BREATHE BUT NO MATTER WHAT LIFE GOES ON. LASTNITE SOMETHING WAS SAID TO ME THAT I NEVER EXPECTED TO HEAR & IT HURT SO MUCH MY CHEST REALLY BURNED. . .
& I CRIED FOR A BIT AND THEN HAD TO PICK MYSELF BACK UP, AS MUCH AS I DIDN'T WANNA MOVE ON AND STAY IN THE SAME MIND STATE I CAN NEVER LET THE ACTIONS OR WORDS OF ANOTHER EFFECT ME & I JUST KEEP HAVING TO REMIND MYSELF OF THAT. I KNOW IM A GOOD PERSON WITH A GOOD HEART, IM CAPABLE OF DOING ALOT OF DAMAGE BUT I AM ALSO CAPABLE OF MAKING EVERYONE AROUND ME PROUD AND THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I INTEND ON DOING. THIS ROAD TO HAPPINESS HAS BEEN A LONG, COLD, CONFUSING PROCESS AND I STILL HAVENT REACHED MY DESTINATION BUT WHEN I GET THERE THAT'S WHERE I WANT TO BE FOREVER<3

_PICS FROM OVER THE WKND;
href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_U1ivbUEz1hI/STMRs5ag1GI/AAAAAAAAAoE/s7wqg1A1DHE/s1600-h/DSC01753.JPG">





_CUDDIES FOR LIFE, LITERALLY. WETHER WE LIKE IT OR NOT LOL;





_THE NEWEST ADDITION TO OUR FAMILY;




& DINNER WITH DRE;







THE END

7 comments:

vexedmentals said...

aw lee. i'm sorry you didnt have the best weekend & i'm hoping everything is good now. or will get better but thats the marvel in ups & downs. and the fact that you got something out of it makes your 'journey to happiness' so much worthwhile. lots of lessons learned & wisdom.<3

your little cousin [ i'm guessing ] is the cutest. she's gonna be a piece of work when she gets older lmao. & i spy some cuties. ;x

Kay said...

aww ;(
i hope everything gets better for u, don`t let anyone see u struggle.keep ur head up high ;)

cute pics! is that a Supreme hat u have on?

Latoya said...

WISHED YOU COULD OF HAD A GOOD WEEKEND
CUZ I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL
I FEEL THE SAME WAY SOMETIMES, BUT EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY JUST LIVE YOUR LIFE THE BEST WAY YOU CAN AND ALWAYS KEEP YOUR HEAD UP. EVERYTHING WILL GET BETTER.

alexis b. said...

what was said to you to make youo burst into tears??

and did u delete ya myspace? ya face was missing from my top :\

LEO said...

AWW DARLING... I HOPE YOU FEEL BETTER & THAT YOU FIGURE EVERYTHING OUT. LIFE IS A COMPLICATED THING, AND NO MATTER WHAT WE DO, WE WILL ALWAYS HAVE UPS AND DOWNS..DONT LET LIFE SLOW U DOWN..

YOUR A PRETTY, SMART, AMBITIOUS FEMALE. YOU GOT THE WORLD IN YOUR FINGERTIPS...DONT LET NO ONE OR NOTHING HOLD YOU BACK..

Lily Rose said...

You right...life does hand us a bag of shit to toss around never knowing whats the next step to take but whether you are religious everyday or one day...faith in yourself and faith that one day you will understand your battles, will always heal your hurt, dry your tears, and create your smiles. Keep ya head up cause you not the only one!

somebody said...

酒店經紀人,菲梵酒店經紀,酒店經紀,禮服酒店上班,酒店小姐,便服酒店經紀,酒店打工,酒店寒假打工,酒店經紀,酒店經紀,專業酒店經紀,合法酒店經紀,酒店暑假打工,酒店兼職,便服酒店工作,酒店打工經紀,制服酒店經紀,專業酒店經紀,合法酒店經紀,酒店暑假打工,酒店兼職,便服酒店工作,酒店打工,酒店經紀,制服酒店經紀,酒店經紀